I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize