And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
