from now on my penis is your penis
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
