yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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