I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
