Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
