Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I don't deserve a penis
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize