Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
