I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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