I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Blood and glitter go together right?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
