dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
sarcasm needs its own font
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
