Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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