Already got asked if we're dating
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
