Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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