it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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