You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
