I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
My ATM looks so different sober.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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