I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize