So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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