I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
