Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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