Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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