i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
