I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
