Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
