Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize