apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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