Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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