she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
