I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
