3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
