Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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