WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize