So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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