Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
