come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
