I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
