First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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