The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
