I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
