I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
