I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
