Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
