The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I understand Curling. That high.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
