No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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