there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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