yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
