I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
My feet surprised me
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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