Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i used baking grease as lip gloss
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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