we made out on top of his cat.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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