I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize