he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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