Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
