i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
