how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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