So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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