the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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