I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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