Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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