the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
