a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
