Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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