I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
