Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
