I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
