Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
