In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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