I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize