i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
