I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
