Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
