Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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