Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I will pee on everything he values.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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