wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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